So What Are You? Answering the Mixed/ Multiracial Identity Question.

You can't answer a fool but sometimes you need to address a fool.

Credits: Closing arrangement by @IvyMusic.

Transcript

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This is the Bobby Ho Show. And in this episode, getting a little bit personal, talking about mix-up mashup identity. What it means for me to be quote unquote mixed, uh, have a mashup identity. And this is brought about from Father's Day, thinking about both my father and and love my pops, but thinking about the ways that I just had questions and want to know more about him. And thankfully he's still around, and I still, you know, every now and then try and get a little something out of him. But you know, he's he's just uh he's a he's just not a guy who talks a lot, at least not to um to me. Um just more of the the quieter type. And now that I have three daughters and wanting to think about, you know, I remember people asking me, um, someone in the dorm was like, I gotta put you on with my mom. She doesn't believe you exist. Um, needed to explain myself to her and to her mom. And I remember expending way too much energy in justifying who I am, and then wanted to, you know, fight verbal fights in terms of people who I thought were ignorant or stupid or whatever it was. Um, and then just being, you know, kind of like overly aggressive about trying to take down people with um who were just foolish. So college, you know, until I found my crew was was sort of a different experience, much different than anything I ever had. So I feel that from her, my daughters when they're getting questions, because you know, if you if you if you don't have a way to um answer people, people get under your skin. And it may not be the biggest deal, but it can be frustrating. So um college was all right after a certain point, and then professionally, professionally was professionally, you know, people always uh have a question once you get into social settings, but thankfully I found a way to answer it. And, you know, the best thing that I think I can pass on to my girls is basically to know if you're dealing with a fool or not. And by that I mean some people are gonna come at you and no matter what you say, are going to try and quote unquote figure you out, make you into a math problem, uh, try and and put you into their into their pie and put you into slices and try and figure out what percentage of this and what percentage of that. Now we got 23andMe and all these other tests and that sort of validate all these ways of looking at it. But you gotta know if you're dealing with a fool or not. And by a fool, I just mean someone who thinks that you are a problem that has to be solved. If they think they can, quote, figure you out by asking about your ethnicity and your background, then that's a fool because that's not who you are. You're people. People. And what you need to find is everyday people. People, people. So why should it be? And people who don't get you as people but try and figure you out as a problem ain't your people. They're a fool, and you just need to figure out in whatever way that you want how to answer and keep it moving. That's the best thing that I can pass on to you. You you'll figure out again as you go around. You know, you you can be polite and and give people a standard answer. You can go into it if you like. Some people love the mix-up identity and say, I'm mixed, I'm mixed, I'm mashed. Um, you know, there's a lot more for your age than there was when I was growing up. Uh you got mixed-ish coming out, you got all sorts of people who are claiming you got Meghan Markle, you got, you know, their family. Um, so hopefully there'll be more resources, but you just got to find out for yourself how to read people and understand where they're coming from. Because if they're coming from a place of foolishness, then no matter what kind of answer you have, it's not gonna matter because they're still going to think that they can put you in their box of what they think you should tell them. And you know what? Sometimes you don't have to tell anybody anything. You owe nobody any answer. And if they keep on pressing and trying to say, no, no, no, no, and really, no, really, then you know for sure, well, that's a fool. And sometimes fools need to be ignored, and sometimes fools need to be addressed. And you just got to figure out what you have the energy for at that moment. And you know, sometimes people uh they mean well, they don't quite know how to express it, and and you gotta realize, well, you know, that's not a fool, that's just someone who maybe doesn't have all information. But you'll find out if people are culturally curious, if they're willing to listen and get to know you, then they're not a fool. They're good people. And that's the best thing that I can pass on to you, my daughters, is find your people, learn to recognize good people, and learn to be good people yourself. Because regardless of identity, if you're good people, you'll find good people. Doesn't matter if they look like you, if they're the same background, they might not even, quote, get you, but good people are some of the most valuable things that you can have in your life. Learning to be one and recognize them and to be generous and to be forgiving. That's the best thing that I can say uh has helped me in in life. Um not necessarily having the perfect answer to identity, not you know, always sort of living through that, but being grounded and being able to chill and find people who get you, who support you, who cheer for you, and also being generous to reach out to them. Um daughters, I love you. I hope you find your way in the world in a way that that carries you. And when you find fools, just know you can answer them, you cannot, but regardless, always try and be good people, find your people. Sometimes you gotta you gotta stand up and fight for your people, and knowing when to do that, well, that's a skill that you just pick up as you go. This has been the Bobby Ho show. Thank you for listening. Um, would love to hear your feedback. Always be culturally curious, and until the next episode.